Let's say I vanish.  How long would it take before anyone noticed?  That's a little personal mental game that I have been playing for decades now.  Here are three editions.

*** 

I'm not here
This isn't happening

Not only is Colin's bass line here absolutely perfect, this song should be held up as a shining example of "how to use an Ondes Martenot."

Late fall 1999.  I've been in France nearly three weeks.  My first trip out of the country, and I went alone.  By this time in the trip, I have made many new friends (several of whom remain friends to this day), had unforgettable experiences, and was nearly out of funds. I was also at this point alone in Arles... maybe that place has a general deleterious effect on mental health. The enthusiastic and amazed "I'm not here/this isn't happening" feelings from earlier in the trip had fallen away, and the loneliness began to clothe itself in those same words.  I strolled alongside the Rhône one night, giving serious consideration to hopping over the barrier into the black water below and letting it take me to the Mediterranean.  This thought appeared over and over: not a single human being has any idea where I am right now.  If I jump, how long before anyone finds out who I was or where I was from?  Would anyone even bother to ask?

***

China 2009. I am in a city with millions of people. It is the weekend. I am alone.  I am alone, but I am conspicuous.  I tower over the vast majority of the surrounding humans, and I am much darker than them.  People stare.  People ask to have their photos taken with me.  I can't communicate, as I don't speak Cantonese.  It is hot and the humidity is stifling.  The subway is sparkling clean, air conditioned, and has signs that sometimes resemble English.  Despite being a very foreign person in what to me is a very foreign land, at no point do I feel unsafe... uneasy, yes... unsafe, no.  Surely there is crime somewhere, but I don't see any.  Surely there is abject poverty, but in the tiny pieces of the city I pass through, I don't see any.  The thought is back: not a single human being has any idea where I am right now.  What happens if I have an accident?  What happens if I disappear?  It is Saturday, and I don't have to go back to the office until Monday.  Surely someone would notice on Monday that I didn't arrive at work.  What happens then?  Do they call the hotel?  I don't have a mobile phone that functions in this country, so it is impossible to call me.  Would anyone even bother to search?  Are morgues here even set up to accommodate someone of my height?

***

Chris.

Summer 2003.  I have driven West on I-10 from El Paso to Tucson.  I have passed a border patrol checkpoint not all that close to the border that made no sense at all to someone who grew up in the Midwest.  I have passed saguaro cactus that I have only seen in cartoons and on television.  I have made this trip to attend a convention.  I don't have any friends here.  I spend the weekend alone.  To this day, I don't remember any of the content from the convention, I don't remember any of the meals I might have consumed, I don't remember any of the sights or sounds of Tucson.  I remember only the sweltering desert heat and the overwhelming loneliness.  My friends and family are nearly two thousand miles east and north.  Here comes that thought: not a single human being has any idea where I am right now.  If I melt into the desert, how long before anyone even realizes that I'm missing?  Will anyone even notice?

***

I play this game less frequently these days because, well, we're in a pandemic and I have turned into a hermit.  Now that we are a one car household, the most readily available form of transportation for me is my legs.  If I take the car, my wife would notice.  If she gets home with the car and I'm not here, she would notice.  Some games outlive their utility.

I met Doc a couple of years ago at a music conference.  She has a signature look... a hat, a rat, and always a guitar.  Her artist name is Dirty Metal Lefty, partially because of an innate southpaw status, which is something we have in common.  (I mean, I do play bass like a right-handed person, but I eat, write, throw, golf, swing baseball bats, and shoot basketballs left-handed.)  This is a very talented person who wields the guitar with all kinds of skill... this is the kind of wizardry that eludes me, as I find guitar strings to be too numerous and also way too tiny.

Here's my favorite song from the Neva' On Sundays album, "Ain't No Friend of Mine."

The last time I saw Doc, we sat in a hotel lobby down in Austin singing and playing Chris Cornell songs.  Well, I didn't do the playing, and I did the singing rather poorly, but it was a great time.  No, not that Chris Cornell song.  No, not that one either.  Yeah, and this is also not one of them.  Here's one. Here's another.  Here's a third, that almost makes me cry every time I hear it.   Interview below the picture.

When I run these, I usually put my questions in bold... but Doc used some unique formatting in her response, and I think it's best to show you this interview the way she intended.

1.  Let's hear the elevator pitch for your skill set and genre. 
Blues Inspired Indie-Alt Rock with Jazz and Metal undertones 
Think "If Sade had a baby with Alice In Chains who was REEEALLY into CSN (Crosby, Stills, Nash) and Albert King" 

2.  How did you get started making music?  How soon after you started learning to play did you start to write your own songs? 
I guess from the moment I could make noise and bang on stuff.  Music for me and a headache for others. LOL 
If memory serves me proper, I was around 9 or 10 when I first sat down and intentionally tried to write a song; on a keyboard, surprisingly enough. The songs conjured from lyrics only were usually set to the melody of a song I already knew. #UnintentionalDerivativeCover 

3.  What was the first album you can remember buying with your own money? 
Remember Columbia House music club with their "10 cassettes for 1¢"? 
Alice In Chains - Dirt. And spoiler alert, those cassettes weren't really a penny. Boy did I learn that lesson the hard way. . .   
[Mike adds: You and me both, sista.]

4.  Tell me about the last concert you saw. 
Mon., Mar. 9th - Michale Graves (ex-Misfits) w/ special guest JJ Speaks 
Covid ruined everything after that (>_<)* 

5.  What artists do you consider to be your biggest influences? 
In addition to the elevator pitch in question 1: 
Chris Cornell, Nina Simone, Fantastic Negrito, Deftones, Afro Celt Sound System, The Absence, Dave Brubeck, Screaming Jay Hawkins, Fleetwood Mac, Lamb of God, Nevermore 

6.  So, you're a guitarist.  Most guitarists that I know tend to be really into their instruments, their pedals, and their rig.  This is your opportunity to indulge in a lavish description of your favorite musical toys, if you would like to do so. 
I LOVE gear but I don't have or use a ton of it. I don't want to "hide" behind too many effects. . . aaaand I don't like having to keep up with too much stuff. [LMAO!!!!!] 

Boss Metal Zone pedal is my absolute jam for electric. It pairs well with most of my guitars and Vox tube amp; just kinda sucks that the price hasn't gone down in over 20 years. For Acoustic: I use a series of loopers, a Digitek Trio, a dope vocal dohickey from TC Helicon, and devices for backing track playback. On occasion, I'll also use a A/B box to split my guitar between two different amps with separate pedal setups. The concept adds more texture to my overall tone. It also affords the opportunity to alternate my set between full band sound and intimate feels. 

7,  How are you dealing with this pandemic from a music standpoint?  Touring is out of your toolbox for the moment, has anything taken its place? 
Maaaaan, Covid swooped in and snatched my gigs like an owl pouncing on an unsuspecting field mouse. [Mike interjects: This might be the greatest of all similes.] That was painful; financially of course but even more so on the emotional and mental front. I figured I try to use the "mandatory" down time to work on writing and finally getting around to cleaning my house. It's amazing how many pieces of life get neglected when you don't take enough time to tend to stuff. As for the music as a whole, live streaming has become the new trend but it does not and cannot replace actual live music IN PERSON. 

There's a special, uncanny bond forged in the heat of the moment between musicians and their audience; a sort of energy exchange that breaks down barriers. I miss that. Genre aside, music, in general, is one of the only few things we [humans] can all agree upon. I don't think I've ever met anyone who doesn't enjoy music on some level. 

8,   It's cliché, but it's a good question to end with:  What's next for you? 
A resurgence of gigs, I hope. I miss connecting with people. In the meantime, I do plan to release a single or two or three. . .maybe a video to accompany them. No dates yet but new stuffs ARE indeed coming. I'll keep adjusting to our new normal as well supporting my mates and local small businesses around town. A friend and I have even paired together for a side project, busking around town and such. Busking is the next best step until we're able to navigate proper live gigs in the midst of this pandemic madness and social distancing.

Let me know when it's safe to pop in for a slot in your neck of the woods.

***

Dirty Metal Lefty has indeed stopped by our state on a previous tour, playing in Columbus.  I had planned to go, and ended up not being able to do so, which still makes me sad.  Here's hoping she stops by Dayton someday.  I linked to her website above, but you can also find her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.  Also, you know how Bandcamp has been waiving their fee on the first Friday of every month recently?  Well, Friday July 3rd would be a good date to swing by the Dirty Metal Lefty Bandcamp page and buy some music.

This happened almost twenty years ago.  Mobile phones weren't ubiquitous.  No social media.  Cameras used actual film.  What follows is a verbatim excerpt from the travel journal I was keeping.  (To clarify, the "money problems" I mention are due to me leaving my wallet in a cab exactly one week prior.  I only had $15 US cash in there - which was not useful, as the currency one needed was francs - but I also had my bank card in there, and my plans to withdraw money from the ATM as needed took a big hit.  Also, at this point in the trip I was staying with some friends in Lyon, so had to travel to get to the show.)

***

MERCREDI le 27 Octobre 1999

11:04h  I'm up and preparing for the trip to Paris.  I am very much looking forward to the concert, I'll be able to forget about my money problems at least for a couple of hours.

19:29h At the concert.  Security temporarily confiscates my camera. It is like the Newport , but smaller, darker, no balcony.  I remember that Europeans don't mosh. I wish I had some cash on me, because this atmosphere is just screaming for a beer.  There is no opening act.  I met a guy on the crew.  Chris will play for ninety minutes.  I met some other Americans... girls from Wisconsin.  They had backstage passes... girls always get backstage passes.  The place is filling up... if it's not sold out, it sure is close.  This concert brought to us by OUI 102.3 FM, rock radio Paris.  They are doing a live TV appearance tomorrow on Canal+, according to the crew.

20:05h  The set list just got taped down.  

20:17h  It's on now....

Sunshower
Can't Change Me
Flutter Girl (key bass)
Mission (key bass)
Preaching...
Seasons (no keys 2 guitar)
When I'm Down
Pillow of Your Bones
Fell On.... (solo, for Kurt)
Moonchild
Sweet Euphoria  (for Paris, no drummer or bass)
Like Suicide
Follow My Way
-------
All Night Thing
Steel Rain

JEUDI le 28 Octobre 1999

07:29h  It's a six hour ride to Lyon, and I have to change trains in Dijon.  Hope that goes smoothly.  The good thing is that my railpass covers it.  I had expected to get more miles out of my railpass, but I have been rendered rather sedentary.  Last night's concert was great... the only thing that could have improved it would have been meeting Chris.  Chris kept up a good-natured banter with the crowd... in English.  Most of the younger crowd at the concert definitely understands English.  Highlights were the rockin' "Pillow of Your Bones", the crowd sing-along on "Fell On Black Days" and "Like Suicide", and the signature Chris Cornell scream/wail on "Steel Rain".  The crowd was very unfamiliar with the new songs, but they were very enthusiastic.  European concert goers don't heckle like their American counterparts.  And no moshing... everyone is in there all tight, and people kind of dance or headbang a little, but there isn't any real bodily contact.

***

So, those are the thoughts of the 21-year-old version of me.  Looking back, what a fantastic set.  Chris mentioned that he happened to be in that very building - Elysée Montmartre - when he got the news that Kurt Cobain had died, so he dedicated "Fell On Black Days" to Kurt.  He also remarked more than once that Paris is a very beautiful city, and dedicated "Sweet Euphoria" to the city and people of Paris.  As I mentioned in a previous blog post, I had been listening to the Euphoria Mourning album a great deal, so I was quite familiar with all of the new songs.  I would go on to eventually see Chris Cornell solo two more times... but this show topped them.  This is definitely one of the most memorable nights of music in my life.

Also, I miss Chris Cornell about as much as someone can miss a person who they have never met.

When you miss somebody 
You tell yourself a hundred thousand times 
Nobody ever lives forever 
So you give it one more try 
To wave goodbye, wave goodbye

Well said, Chris.  Well said.

Chris Cornell - Euphoria Mourning

This album was released in fall 1999.  If you happened to have bought it back then, you might have noticed that the title as printed on the disc was Euphoria Morning, as shown above.  Apparently, someone at the record label thought that Cornell’s original title was too dark.  I have restored the title here as originally intended by the artist, and really, it fits the music better. 

This was my favorite singer.  I don’t know that I had a favorite band at the time, but as far as vocalists were concerned, this was my guy.  Such range. Such emotion. From quiet to loud. I mean, the only person I can think of that sounds even remotely like Cornell is Ian Thornley from Big Wreck… and he’s just kind of in the same neighborhood. 

I bought this album nearly immediately after it was released, but at first I didn’t listen to it much.  Then I noticed that Chris Cornell would be playing a show in Paris at the same time that I would be there.  Ok, now it was on. When I went to Paris for the first time in October 1999, I only had 5 discs with me for the trip.  Euphoria Mourning was one of them.  (I would tell you the others, but that will steal the thunder from future blog posts.  I think they call this “a tease” in the radio industry.) See kids, back then we had a thing called “Discman”, which was a CD player built by Sony.  It could play one disc at a time, and it was small enough to fit in your pocket. Well, it fit in my pocket, I’m a big guy. 

I was in France for three weeks.  Three weeks, five albums. Think of it as kind of a miniature version of the age-old “desert island album” question.  I listened to this album every day. Every day. I listened to it in Paris while walking around, on the train between French towns, in Amboise, in Lyon, in Avignon, on the Métro, in the rain, in the dark, and whilst falling asleep.  I was struck by the quality arrangements, and delighted at the departure in sound from Cornell’s work with Soundgarden. This is not to say that I didn’t like Soundgarden; on the contrary, I loved Soundgarden… I was just open to accept a change of pace.  These songs reminded me of “Seasons” from the Singles soundtrack and “Sunshower” from the Great Expectations soundtrack… but they were more layered, more textured, and more nuanced.  (The exception here is “Sweet Euphoria”, which Chris recorded by himself.) This album was my first exposure to Alain Johannes and Natasha Shneider, two great musicians who co-wrote many of these songs, and who played on the album.  (This reminds me that I still need to look into their old band, shame on me for not doing that.) 

This album has meant a great deal to me over the past nearly 20 years.  The lyrics from “Preaching the End of the World” that go “I’m 24 and I’ve got everything to live for”... well, when I was 24, that took on a new meaning.  The sentiment in “When I’m Down”... I feel like that every day, and that’s one of those songs that I wish I had written, it’s so good. I’ve really felt “Wave Goodbye” many times in my life as friends or family members have died.  So yes, I still love this album… but when I listen to it, I without fail remember that first trip to France… I hear a song from this album and I remember trying to figure out how to work the machines in a Paris laundromat. I hear another song from the album and I remember strolling along the Rhône on a dark night in Arles, nearly out of money, feeling so very alone, and considering jumping into the dark waters below.  I hear another song from the album and I remember that awful awful cold I got while I was in Lyon. 

“I’m a wreck when I look mighty”.   

Thank you Chris.